Sailing the ship.
What's it like to be me right now ?
Well, I'll tell you.
It's like being the ships captain, sailing a large vessel thru uncharted waters.
The ship is large, difficult to handle and there's only me on the bridge.
The ocean is expansive, with the odd unsetteled parts I need to sail thru.
I know I'm given the job to sail it, and it's my gig, no handovers.
I've just hit the hay for the night. I was up for most of the day so now in form for a lie down.
Aoife is in bed. I say goodnight to her through her bedroom door and I get back the sweetest
of the sweetest tones with the most sincere "Goodnight Daddy" and with that, the tears roll down my face.
It's difficult to explain, but it's like the ship I'm sailing just sailed through a choppy area of the ocean.
And then, it's all calm again, I'm out the far side of it, the ship now stable again.
Aoife all snuggled up, snoozing away, dreaming of what Santa is bringing.
I've just taken my last tablets for 12 hours. Plenty of thoughts running through my mind.
Aoife is going to have a great Christmas this year, this mantra is going over and over in my mind.
And by that I do not mean spoiling on excessive and expensive presents, that's not how we do it here.
But I do mean plenty of giggles and lots of smiles. For my part, I have to put a big effort to keep myself in
form. To rest when needed but to work my way around the side affects of my treatment so it doesn't impact
on the fun loving atmosphere. I'm up for that.
So come morning time tomorrow, big hugs from Aoife before she heads off to school. She is so happy in herself as she heads off. Eager to learn and very eager to show me later what knowledge she consumed. I'm always thinking, I hope this continues in to secondary school.
But back to the present, if there were a bravery award seeking nominations tonight, I would have Aoife on the list in a heartbeat.
I might be sailing the ship, but I'm navigating via a very bright shining star tonight and it begins with the letter A.
Thanks as always for reading my blog.