The Birthday Boy today, Toxic Tuesday tomorrow and searching for what's next.

 

       

Click HERE to play this short video piece. 

Today 49 years ago, I made my dear late Mum both laugh and cry at the same time. You wouldn't think it today, but I was born 6 weeks premature. Roll on to the present and I can assure you I have still no patience and am a stickler for time keeping. Mind you, I was 20mins late for a (non urgent) appointment this morning but still my mind still sees this as a big deal. I think it's a premature baby thing. If I was a lecturer today, I would be adding the words, "please discuss" lol.

I always believe actions speak louder than words, so with that in mind, do please click the above link to play this short video. I preferred on this occasion to use my birthday to add some sentiments and of course shed a thought or three on the amazing support I am currently getting from everyone. 

The Birthday today was just fabolous. The day just flew by. I met up with 2 separate individuals who I haven't seen for a quiet a while. The beautiful piece about this was that we immediately picked up where we possibly left off a number of years ago. I love it when that happens but more about these two people later in this particular blog.

Speaking of twos, sepetately, the two buckos (Christy and Seamus) who wake up the North East to the sounds of their whacky bright and breezy breakfast show every morning on LMFM Radio, showed up at our house today and wished me a Happy Birthday in person, how cool is that ??

 

Christy, Seamus and Murf pictured today in Dunshaughlin. 

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What may indeed come as a surprise to you right now, did not surprise me in the slightest. You see, for the past number of weeks, I have been very quietly but also acutely questioning aspects of my illness. The experience it has given me (with some amazing positive twists), the reactions I have put in to the actions that this affliction did to me, coupled with the Re- re-reactions of individuals who may be cancer victims but could just as equally seek solace in my blogs by suffering a totally different fait accompli, have all been duly restudied within my mind. I'm asking myself now, is this a some sort of life mission I'm being pointed towards? Have I an important input to offer ? Something that I got but can share back with a common good ?

Before you go googling 'possible side affects of Murf's medication', I can assure you I haven't lost the plot (but I am willing to learn). Over the past number of weeks, what I can best describe as a jigsaw puzzle in my mind coming together with the all right pieces in all the right places has begun to make itself known. What I mean by this is various people, situations, companies, life experiences and so on over the past 10-15 years have been methodically placed in front me, where I could have either plainly ignored them or consciously stepped carefully around them but did not do either. I can tell you now that I recognised them, assessed them, reached out and took them in. On a follow on from that, I can very clearly and decisively say now, that those entities, options and situations that I intentionally grasped when I did, do appear right now to what I consider to be a very real and significant asset towards dealing with my Gastro Cancer. On analysis, it's just way to cocidental that all these slots in the combination lock lined up for me and then when that dreadful day came re my diagnosis a number of weeks ago, all of these opportunities realigned themselves and subsequently made themselves known to me for what I do recognise now as extremely important assets that will allow me plan and execute what I may consider to be the perfect murder of an inoperable Gastro Cancer. 

Here's the twist, going back now to both of these individuals (whom I met separately and would also be total strangers to each other), they both did in a gentle way, enquire off me if perhaps my illness triggered any other deeper thoughts from me. "In what way" I meekly enquired. "Can you make a different   sense to this, a deeper sense perhaps?" I'm asked. The sense I can make of it at this exact time is what I've just been writing about here. I'm convinced I've been given a mission. By who? I'm not quiet sure yet. What I can say is, I'm not ignoring it but am keen to investigate and dig a bit deeper and get to the beginning or indeed the end of this quandary it is throwing at me. I'm convinced my answer is written down out there, for my part I just have to figure out how to read it. No doubt I will. 

Roll on tomorrow and it's my self proclaimed 'Toxic Tuesday'. Time for my next infusion of chemotherapy. For this to go ahead, my white blood cells need to score a reading of 1.9-2.2 etc. Last week when I received my promising scan results, they took advantage of my presence and checked my bloods, and they were only a mere 0.5. Immediately I was instructed to stay off my daily chemotherapy tablets. This should bounce my bloods back up, but lets wait and see. 

For those of you who are in a similar position to me or are perhaps fighting demons on a different dimension, but equaly as vicious, I want you to remember two very important facts:

⛔️After the darkness comes the dawn and we are promised and get that dawn everyday.

⛔️ Everynight, as your clock strikes midnight, signifing the darkest time of the night, just 59 seconds later, that darkness immediately begins to slip away and the dawn of a new day is on its way. 

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Thanks so much for reading my blog. 

This blog tonight is dedicated to Johnny Murphy, 

my friend and close neighbour who passed away today. 

 

Rest in peace Johnny. 

 

If you are suffering and want to get in touch,

Email me to my secure email server by clicking the link below. 

hello@audanmurphy.com